#and yes. being human uk was a formative show for me.

[annabelle--cane]

vampirism to me really is about the knowledge that you have the capacity for true awfulness inside you. it's not irrational, it's not baseless, it's not just the over magnified product of an anxious mind, it's a concrete set of memories of what you're like at your worst and a constant just-restrained desire to sate yourself at the cost of everyone and everything around you. it's about looking at all your loved ones and, whether you like it or not, being able to tell exactly how much you could drain from each and every one of them if you ever so chose. it's about having fangs in your mouth and taking painstaking steps to not let them cut someone when they try to kiss you. it's about hearing honest reassurances from friends and wondering if they understand that you can't stop listening to their pulse as they speak. it's about your hunger not being like others' hunger. it's about trying and failing and trying again to find a way to live nonetheless.

[savagewildnerness]

Part IV

The Children of Darkness

Notes are a bit random on this and not well formulated, but in case anyone is interested… book version for page references is new UK Sphere publishing.

POTENTIAL EPISODE TITLES

The Devil’s Road

Symphony of Malice

Notes:

Lestat’s fighting spirit: how have we seen this manifest of the TV show so far?  How will we see it manifest in the future?

What is the connection between Lestat refusing to surrender and him always enduring?

Even in terror: Nicki prisoner and he and Gabrielle in danger, Lestat is still the *doer* - a being of action, who, at odds with his impulsive stereotype is immediately attempting to form some kind of plan.

Nicolas’ presence is often described as some form of “shimmer” – as if his mind is unreachable.

Lestat also describes himself “staring coldly” at Nicki – disassociating in order to be able to cope with the situation?

Lestat talks of his instincts here numerous times – he is drawn to Armand – to his beauty, his power and his allure, but his instinct tells him over and over again how dangerous Armand is and basically Lestat’s instinct says RUN.  Where is this instinct from?  Is it the instinct of The Hunter and Lestat knows the danger of Armand in the exact same way he knows the danger of The Wolves when in front of them?

“the astonishing innocence of his boyish face” (p216) how Assad is this description of Armand?

“as if the devil still retained the face and form of the angel after the fall” is so Memnoch coded!

Lestat is a very new vampire here and even as a mortal he was young!  Yet he is so brave.

Magnus, Allessandra and Armand are not a dissimilar age?  1400’s-ish?

The old queen (Alessandra) talks about dreaming of the mortal world above and its music and so on from her stone pillow in just the same way Lestat describes himself doing in modern day at the start of the book.

P221 “Nicolas looked like an animated corpse.” And I think, in many respects, already he is, sadly sadly sadly.  I love the description of him as “A child thrown among porcelain dolls.”

“The power of Satan will blast you into hell.”  “You keep saying that! And it keeps not happening as we can all see!”  Surely this will be on TV!

“Will any of them allow me to take Nicki alive from this place?” Yes as a reader you already feel how doomed Nicolas is by now.  How can Lestat not feel it too?

Anne loves the word “MALICE” and uses it a lot in this part (in relation to Nicki and to Armand)

P226 he Devil’s fiddler whom you worship from afar every night” – how much of Lestat’s thoughts has Armand actually eavesdropped upon?

I can imagine TV Armand saying “You, for whom the working of the dark trick is an act of shameless greed.  You gave it to the very womb that bore you!”

“that our immortal faces should be such masks for our true souls” I found interesting, as you’d often say a human’s face reflects their soul.  But of course a vampire’s face does not change with time.

P227 – Armand’s quote “Tell me why!” surely will be on the show?

“He knows no limit and so he has no limit” is essentially “Only the impossible can do the impossible”!

Is Lestat’s rage (p227) transference (he feels Armand’s rage) or his own range towards Armand and about Nicolas?

“Ah sad lost child, roaming catacombs beneath a great city and an incomprehensible century.” – Does this description reflect show-Armand’s nature/essence?

I REALLY HOPE Lestat says “I never lie.  At least not to those I don’t love.”

“I am that new evil.  I am the vampire for these times” will surely be on TV?

Nicolas, no matter how on the verge of death he seems is listening to every word when they’re in this place, as he later brings up “The canker In the heart of the rose” that Lestat calls himself.  So what does Nicolas make of it all, listening as a human who has just been tortured by these beasts… who thinks Lestat didn’t love him enough to turn him.  And who knows what the vampires said to Nicki.  They can see his thoughts, so beyond the physical torture, the power they will have had in his mind to potentially reinforce and solidify all of Nicolas’ deepest fears…  Nicki moans at the canker in the heart phrase.

“There is no romance in what you are.  There is great romance in what I am.” I feel this is deeply the essence of Lestat, to be remembered in all he does.  Lestat despises lack of Romance!

“She receded from me as if she were an image in a sailor’s glass.” What a gorgeous metaphor!

Magnus appears to have brought death to MANY mortals quite fine!  So what exactly is Alessandra saying here? I do think Lestat hasn’t fully understood her when he talks of loving mortals already and maybe he is in part horrified by the implications of immortality?  I also wonder what Nicolas, the only human listening here makes of Alessandra’s summation of immortality?

P233 Lestat asks if Magnus loved mortals the way boys love butterflies as they rip of their wings – it’s a thing Armand is often accused of by others.

Orpheus allegory re-Lestat and Nicki p234

P234 The way Lestat describes Nicolas’ experience of being locked up so closely to his own… and Lestat will now do unto Nicki as was done unto him by Magnus.  This is A Lot for them both… because Nicki has fully seen what these beasts are from the way they tortured him… and Lestat is now both beast, lover and lover who (Nicki thinks) didn’t love him enough…?

P235 “Do not do this thing” is italicised.  Lestat cannot hear Gabrielle’s thoughts.  So does she even say this, or does Lestat just imagine it or know she would say it?

I love the mix of love and death and desire in Nicolas’ turning.  It’s a weird combination of the most carnal of all the turnings and yet the only emotion aside from this pure satiation of lust and need is the entire existential dread of existence itself!  That interspersed with such human memory of love and human experiences that are lost forever now, for them both.  Lestat is clearly aroused by turning Nicolas and he seems to kind of shut off his reason/human love and let his desire take over?  It’s a strange mix of desire (what Lestat always wanted), domination (the power Lestat has over Nicki – reflecting somehow that his class meant he always had some kind of power over Nicki) and what Lestat knows himself is a disaster I think even as he does it.

What a quote – “philosophy straining to contain the ghastly images, the torture, to surround it with language…”

Nicki raves about The Witches place on p236 just as Lestat did when he had just been turned on p97

It’s interesting how Lestat acknowledges here that Nicolas cannot truly know what he is asking for in pleading for The Dark Gift and acknowledges how awful it is the power he has over Nicolas.  It’s one of the things I love about this book in particular – no matter what Lestat does, his internal moral compass is incredibly self-aware and correct.

P238 & p266 – Lestat tells Nicki he has misunderstood everything here and Nicolas says very similar in their last argument on p266

For anyone thinking Nicki only hated Lestat by this time – p 239 “Unspoken words coming from him of love.”  Nicolas loves Lestat even now, no matter what he’ll later say.  Lestat sees it in his mind while Nicki is here still mortal.

I feel as though Nickistat represents to Lestat for eternity that tantalizing prospect of what a mortal life might have been.  Lestat was only on the cusp of manhood when he was turned.  What might it have been to be two artists, in love – growing old together, loving and dying.  Well, it would have been awful Lestat – but because you can never access it, it remains eternally an ideal and unreachable vision – that glimmer of a possible mortal life and love with Nicolas.  The last vestige of the idea ever having any reality to it dies along with Nicolas in this section.  Perhaps while Nicki is still human, Lestat is still connected to his own humanity in a way that once Nicki is turned Lestat isn’t ever again, as there is nobody who loved him as his human self who is also still human left alive…?

In Nicolas’ turning, Lestat slits his own throat rather than his wrist to make Nicki a vampire – it is carnal, sexual and indicative of death as well.  On TV there could be some visual parallel possibly between how Lestat creates Nicki and how Louis killed Lestat?

The slant of the colourless landscape in Nicolas’ mind reminded me of the slant of the floor in S2E5

P243 To see Nicki change had been to see him die.  Why do we usually see most humans cope fine with turning and their transition into a vampire in the books?  If it really is so random as Armand says…?  That said, Nicolas was utterly broken before he was turned, so!

P258 – Nicolas keeps his and Lestat’s dressing room as a shrine to Lestat – even a half-drunk bottle of wine left untouched.  If that does not speak of the depth of his love for Lestat and of his pain at his loss, what does?

Lestat finds Nicki’s violin not where he lives, but at Renauds.  Nicolas left Renauds never to return after Lestat’s on-stage breakdown where he saw Lestat shot but not die.  Not only had Nicki given up studying violin – he never played the violin again after that day, until he became a vampire.  Imagine what his experience must have been.  Friendless as all the actors from Renaud’s have gone abroad.  Not even a violin for solace.  Thinking he is unloved.  Nicolas must have felt his own descent into death.

Lestat worries whether vampire Nicki feels anything at all anymore p256

What does Nicki feel about playing The Devil’s instrument?  Especially when he has not played it for so long…

What does it mean that Anne introduced characters as villains (e.g. Armand, but Lestat too) then she and we grow to love them….

P260 quote – why exactly can’t Lestat stand Nicki’s music now seeing as he describes it still as very expressive.  How does it feel to Nicolas that he now has all of the technical and emotional skill he always wished for on the violin and can do with it as he will, and Lestat just calls it ‘petty’ – another punch to the heart to tell him Lestat never loved him? 

Lestat and Nicki loved each other as humans and despise each other as vampires as much.

Lestat compares Nicki to his whinnying and dying mare numerous times – poignant allegory

The sorrow that Lestat and Nicolas’ last fight is in Renauds – a place they were truly happy

Sam is gonna act his socks off in expressing the meaning behind the loss of Renuads and the perversion of it into something vampiric, when it was Lestat’s whole world of artistic expression as a mortal and an emblem too of his and Nicki’s love and start of life.

The Witching Hour again on p247!  Anne uses it so often!

Armand consuming Nicki’s abode, like an insect-demon and he instantly lets Lestat know he knows about Nicki being made (nonverbally)

I love the juxtaposition of opposites in Armand - Devil versus innocence etc… and for Lestat - danger versus allure

When Armand attacks Lestat with the way nobody has ever cared to teach him anything (p250) it is The Cruelest.  That he steals this from Lestat’s mind is even crueller… and I love it.  Please make the TV show…!

As a lover of sunrises and sunsets, may I say, I love how Anne describes skies!

Armand trying to get Lestat to kill Gabrielle and Nicki is utterly horrific.  I hope that’s on TV!

The way Lestat says “Exactly!” When Gabrielle is saying they need to get Armand’s knowledge even though she cares less about it than the meaning of leaves and stars etc. even though Lestat absolutely doesn’t mean exactly, as Gabrielle’s pondering are alien to his own humanistic mindscape!

Nicolas’ shrine to Lestat in Renaud’s.  HE LOVED LESTAT.  I will say it over and over!  (This is not saying they were meant for each other.  I LOVE TOO that Nicki is DEAD!)

I love how Anne even makes the traditional comedy and tragedy theatre emblem into a poetically poignant image

Even though Lestat and Nicki despise each other’s vampire-selves, there’s such sensuality still between them.  When Lestat gives Nicolas his violin, Nicki leans his head against Lestat.  When Nicki says “The Devil’s Instrument”, he looks into Lestat’s eyes for the fist time, and he’s trembling.  This is the first time he has played violin since Lestat’s theatre breakdown!

The music Nicolas plays, Lestat tells Nicki it is petty.  However, he describes this too as sensual and full of emotion.  The violin tells a tale.  The emotion bends and twists Nicki.  It is a lamentation and it seems to perfectly express Nicolas’ inner world.  Why does Lestat call it petty?  Because Nicolas can mock humanity with his music now?  It certainly isn’t because it lacks emotion.  I think Lestat fears how inhuman he is as a vampire, and he hears confirmation of it in Nicki’s music now.  But that doesn’t mean Nicolas’ art is bad or petty or lesser.  Of course, Nicki’s art is *more* now in most respects as now he is technically perfect.  I’m reminded of how this week I told someone (who was asking technical aspect of piano playing of me and I am NOT technical on piano!!!) That violin is my first instrument and their response was - “Like Paganini! Like Stephan Grappellli!”  And like… No…. Not like genius violinists!  Like a rubbish violinist!  Obviously, I know them… but it is odd to me that you namecheck them to me.  Because.  NO.  NOT like them!  Anyway, I digress….

To Nicolas, Lestat calling his vampire-art petty must feel horrendous - like a physical slap.  He envied the ease of Lestat’s success as a mortal, but never begrudged him it.  Now, Nicolas has all the technical skill he desired and Lestat calls his creativity PETTY.  What an insult & a DISMISSAL!  Cruel as Nicki’s words are to Lestat.   (I really wanted to read from Nicki’s perspective this time.  We are literally in Lestat’s mind this entire book, but he is not the only being who feels pain.)

P264 versus p230 - Nicki remembers Lestat’s “canker in the heart of a rose” comment from when he was mortal, near death, tortured by Armand and his coven.  He remembers all these beasts said to each other that night.  What a horrific true first introduction to what happened to Lestat - these monsters torture him, drink his blood, tell him goodness knows what horrendous things about Satan and how evil and Satanic Lestat is… Then Lestat is one of them….

All Lestat wanted as a mortal was to be good and to carve a grove in The Savage Garden.  But now, he uses that as an insult to Nicki.

And I’ve said it many times, but I do not believe Nicki went to Paris, hoping for he and Lestat to fail.  I believe there is truth in it, in the nihilistic way we can all believe “Wouldn’t it be funny if there was an apocalypse in 5 minutes and we were all DEAD.” (Just me?  Well, ME, anyway..) and we all have these dark thoughts… I definitely believe these were thoughts Nicolas had.  But I do not believe he desired it… at least not for Lestat.  I think of it more as a depressive thing - if it fails - YAY, I always knew it would.  And he DID love Lestat.  And he did need his light.  But now he doesn’t.  Now he is A Dark Thing: the summation of his worst fears he no longer needs Lestat and what’s more I think it’s why Lestat cannot stand him - he is now the embodiment of what Lestat fears *he* might be as a vampire: an entirely inhuman creature.  But Lestat is never that.  However, Lestat created vampire-Nicki and the inhuman thing he is.

“It’s all a misunderstanding, my love” Nicki says to Lestat on p266 in their final argument.  Almost exactly what Lestat says to Nicki p238 “You have misunderstood everything” before Nicki is turned.  The sorrow in this echo/twist/reiteration.

I am not sure about it, but I wonder whether part of why Nicki is SO cruel to Lestat at the end is as he NEEDS Lestat to leave him and he knows that no matter how Lestat despises him, he won’t abandon him.  Yet, Nicki probably knows DEATH awaits him not too far away now.  And he likely knows, were Lestat to stay, he could drag Lestat to his death as well.  So, maybe he is freeing Lestat, in a way?

But although Lestat and Nicolas despise each other, they love each other too.  The opposite of love is indifference.

[istherewifiinhell]

grand finale baby okay. (what do u mean their are 80-300 more of these...)

[ID: Optimus looking up to a hole in the ceiling, a beam of light filtering through, rubble around him. He says "That was Megatron's way of letting us know he has come!" END]

badum tssk 🥁🔔

its marvel tf no 4! or 7-8 in uk reckoning, winter of 84, the cartoon is now on air!

okay lets hear it- Writer: Jim Salicrup, Pencils: Frank Springer, Inks: Ian Akin & Brain Garvey, Letters: John Workman Colour: Nelson Yomtov, Editor: Bob Buduansky, EiC: Jim Shooter Digital Re-master by Digikore Studios Limited. Collection Edits by Justin Eisinger and Alonzo Simon. Editorial notes and assistance by Mark. W. Bellomo

it wouldnt be some 80s comics without some pain so lets get hurting

[ID: Caption box: Meanwhile, at a ballet class attended by Buster's girlfriend Jesse… A gratuitous panel of four presumably teen girls in sleeveless leotards looking out the window. Jesse asks "What is it?" One answers "Looks like the Rolands are leaving town! They've packed everything --including the kitchen sink!" Close of three looking out the window, mild expressions of shock on their ingenue faces. The speaker continues "I really can't believe anyone would take this robot business seriously!" Jesse cries a single tear thinking "There's no escape from this Madness!" In the dance locker rooms, Jesse stands in elegant contrapposto of distress thinking "I thought coming here would take my mind off Buster--fora little while, at least. But knowing that he's risking his life to save his father is eating me up inside! Guess I was only fooling myself! I can't stop wondering if I'll ever see Buster again!" Caption Box: While back at the ark… Buster kneels over his father, fingers to his pulse. Optimus, looming in the fore asks "Is your father still functioning?" Buster pleads up at him "My father's not a machine! He's flesh and blood! And if we don't get him to a hospital fast--he'll die!" Ratchet in the back says "Perhaps I can help!" END]

sorry thats as long and as hateful as i ever intend to be here. boy i hate comics tho...

this episode of transformers is brought to you by: jarring cuts!

[ID: A military jeep driving, a human voice inside it says "I'd give anything to get a little sleep, but if you and this truck aren't delivered to the 4067th M.A.S.H unit in time, my goose'll be cooked! This is all your fault, old friend! If you weren't such a hotshot mechanic they wouldn't need you to repair their ambulances.' END]

[anime girl image] MASH REFERENCE 🎊🎉🥳 (yes sparkplug will be having war flashbacks the whole comic. technically. theres a point to it)

[ID: Two EMT's get into the front seats of Ratchet in alt mode. Passenger: This is the only ambulance available, and we need it. Ratchet: What? Driver: Did you hear that squeak? Passenger: We'll get it fixed after we bring back that heart attack victim! As they drive off Ratchet thinks: These men seem to mean well! I'll just keep quiet and help them! After all, it's the least I can do as a doctor-- even if an earthling is my patient--and it's better than waiting! END]

oh by the way ratchet is just parked outside the hospital cause he drove sparky there. what a nice fella. also im not showing any of it but actually the AUTOBOTS are the ones that hurt him... like. accidentally but they werent being.. VERY NICE either. bad vibes all around.

[ID: Various dinosaurs in a cretaceous vista. A character narrates. "In a volcano-ringed valley, inhabited by weird, alien creatures, some even larger than ourselves. The drone found its answer…" A single transformer walks fully over one of the dinosaurs in the clearing. The speaker continues "The cybertronic life form was none other than the Decepticon known as Shockwave!" Editors note: "Long-time marvel readers will recognize this place as the savage land, prehistoric domain of the present-day Ka-zar!" END]

(sees 5 specific kinds of dinosaurs) OH BOY OH BOY. shut the fuck up marvel editor. THATS DINOBOT ISLAND where my friends the DINOBOTS live. jeez... also shockwave bigfooting it up, as tfs are wont to do.

anyway get ready for the meg.op comedy hour

[ID: Ironhide shouting: What are we waiting for? Let's get him! Optimus: No! That's exactly what he wants!-- so he can pick us off easily! Let him come to us! END]

[ID: Caption box: One after another, the Decepticons enter Mount St. Hilary, pushing the attack… Megatron stands in the left fore, his troops in the mid, and Optimus high on distant hill on the right. He calls out: I'm coming for you, Optimus. Our war is nearly ended! He thinks: Too many of my men stand between me and Optimus! My fusion cannon would destroy them as well! Bah! A small price to pay to rid myself of my constant foe forever! END]

normal thinks to say and think megs. wow

[ID: Optimus large in fore, looking same direction the camera is focused. He and the other Autobots shaded in dark purple and black. The Decepticons, in full colour, seekers flying above, and the rest charging down the middle, all firing weapons. Megatron yells "Prepare to be DESTROYED!!!" END]

HEY. THATS NOT HALF BAD. a panel with dynamic composition and values that direct the eye??? I CANT BELIEVE IT. also i just noticed. lets all thank soundwave's head being obscured in this panel. THEY LEFT IN A PURPLEWAVE!!!! he endures... seek him out where the remaster dare not go.

[ID: Megatron firing his fusion canon, shouting "You're mine, Optimus!" Optimus yells in pain, his arm melting, and his gun dropping to the ground. END]

as im always saying...

anyway yeah the autobots win in the end cause sparkplug sabotaged the fuel he made for them, JUST LIKE HE DID WHEN HE WAS A POW IN THE KOREAN WAR... jesus. comic of people who like. have heard how drama is supposed to work, without perhaps. really getting why it works. at least it looked nice...

fucking hell. anyway and then shockwave shows up and tramples the autobots. THE END

[ID: Printed comic. Caption Box: --Into Shockwave! Shockwave stands in full view, light emanating behind him, rubble, and injured Autobot's at his feet. He speaks "After four million earth years I have accomplished my mission-- The Autobots are no more!" END]

(dont he look great in printed purples. mwah)

[cardentist]

something that frustrates me is when you see an exclusionist or a bad actor say "X group doesn't experience oppression like Y does" the common response will be "you're right but that doesn't mean that X group doesn't still suffer."

the problem with this is not that it's an issue in a vacuum, that's a perfectly compassionate argument and an important one. people don't need to suffer "enough" to "deserve" to have their experiences taken seriously. comparing the suffering to two groups and punishing one of them for not meeting the standards of the other is an evil thing to do no matter what.

the problem is that nearly across the board it is wrong.

what it comes down to is that people Recognize invisibility and under exposure for certain groups. they recognize that certain marginalized identities aren't going to show up in the news or on a show, that they won't hear certain labels out of the mouths of their bigoted uncles at thanksgiving.

and that is taken As The Issue. that it is ignorance and ignorance alone that plagues the lives of the marginalized among the marginalized. what people don't understand is that invisibility doesn't mean that the marginalized do not suffer, it means that suffering isn't reported.

it's easy to take for granted the idea that X group doesn't experience outright violence when it's something that you haven't seen. And That's An Aspect Of Their Oppression. because when people don't know your rights are being violated then they don't know to help in the fight For those rights. even well meaning people will exclude marginalized groups from certain conversations because they don't realize they need to be there.

when people say, for instance, "Yes trans mascs don't face outright Violence from terfs, but the infantilization they face when terfs treat them like poor confused women that don't know what they're doing is still a kind of oppression"

what they Don't realize (and aren't taking into account) is that Statistically trans mascs face corrective rape and assault on similar levels to other trans demographics (among other forms of violence for that matter [Link 1, Link 2]. they Don't realize that there are Many Many instances of terfs openly fantasizing about doing Exactly That, of forcing trans mascs to turn into lesbians by having sex with them.

what they don't realize is that infantilization is a part of the Dehumanization and desire to strip autonomy and control away from trans mascs that they use to Justify their violence. that the perception of trans mascs as incapable, as needing to be rescued from blindly mutilating their own bodies, is a call to action.

sometimes that call to action is used to justify stripping the human rights of all trans people away through legislation, which we've seen most starkly with the focus on trans mascs in the uk. sometimes that call to action is personal violence. sometimes that call to action is indoctrination with the intent of abusing a trans masc into detransitioning.

what people see as Hurtful in words alone the victims see for the threat that it is.

I could make dozens of examples exactly like this (for instance, historically when trans mascs have been murdered it's been reported as violence against women. because when you're buried as a woman you don't have the voice to argue otherwise), and for a dozen other identities within the queer and lgbt+ communities (asexuals have a Very Similar story with their corrective rape statistics).

but what I want to impart with this post is the idea that you question assumptions about what a group does or does not experience. there's an entire world happening where you don't see it, and when somebody tries to cut an entire group of people out of an experience they're not doing it because they've Seen every corner of said world. question more than just the conclusions that they draw when they make these assumptions.

another thing of note: the more that these marginalized groups Do increase their visibility, the more we champion for their voices, the more this violence Will become overt. the more you Will hear about them in the news and on tv and from your bigoted uncle. and that violence won't be new, it'll just finally be drawn to the forefront. we've seen it before, and we're seeing it now.

[ameliadoesstuff]

introduction/navigation

hiii i rejoined tumblr as a fan blog for like the. fourth. time i think. when will i learn? idk! but i'm having a HEAVY hyperfixation and the urge to reblog fanarts is strong so i have sadly returned.

get to know me: fandoms and favourites

bold = will post abt & interact with these fandoms :)

fav tv shows/musical shows

ninjago (all forms)

voltron: legendary defender (unfortunately)

the dragon prince

gilmore girls <3

gossip girl

glee

skins uk

sex and the city

bridgerton

the good place

crazy ex-girlfriend

breaking bad (currently watching)

newsies

hairspray

rocky horror

legally blonde

chicago

funny girl

top 4 movies

breakfast at tiffany's

lady bird

amelie

dead poet's society

games

i love story choice based games

telltale's the walking dead

the sims 3 & 4

until dawn

what remains of edith finch

detriot: become human

stardew valley

roblox

episode interactive

music

uhhh i pretty much like everything honestly, i listen to basically all genres across all decades. yes unfortunately that means i like musicals too (i'd say retired theatre kid but really it's just like. dormant theatre kid.) some of my favourite artists i am regularly listening to:

the beatles

mitski

lana del rey

taylor swift

amy winehouse

olivia rodrigo

chappel roan

sabrina carpenter

ariana grande

fiona apple

no doubt

sza

youtubers i watch n reccommend

kurtis conner

danny gonzalez

drew gooden

berleezy

janelle eliana <3

bestdressed

mike's mic

nickdominates

izzzyzzz

schafrilla's productions

cosmonaut variety hour

callmekevin

dominic noble

hobbies/other interests

creative writing!

reading!

poetry

drawing, though i can draw like. one thing and that is specifically headshots of women in a semi-cartoonish style. i neglected to draw men for about 10 years and thus suffer the consequences.

journalling

scrapbooking

yoga when i can be bothered

hot girl walks

listening 2 music while staring at the wall for several hours and daydreaming x

video games except i mostly watch other youtuber's play them

make-up

fashion

find me elsewhere:

aesthetic blog (@lilyofgiverny). you'll probs see this one liking your posts because it's my main

reddit (ameliadoesstuff)

ao3 (ameliawritesstuff)

hashtags navigation:

OKAY i think that's all

listing all my fandoms and interests is just impossible and this post is long enough so sorry i have serious oversharing issues. idk how to summarise my interests normally...seems like an impossible task. anyway, if u want to know anything just ask :)

[last updated: 19/11/24]

[edienotsedgwick]

Introduction again

It’s been a while since my last pinned post and a lot has changed. I deleted it cause I decided I wanted a new one.

The basics

My name is Edie

I’m from Aotearoa/New Zealand.

I’m 20

She/her

I’m autistic (likely autHD actually but the ADHD hasn’t been diagnosed yet)

I’m a lesbian

I’m an animation student on the weekdays, a musician and a essay writer on the weekends.

Aquarius sun, Capricorn moon, Aries rising

INFJ

A witch who’s extremely lazy with her craft.

I’ve been on Tumblr since 2014! You may have known me from…

Many cartoon fandoms. Too many to count. (Spanning from 2014-16)

Emo bandom tumblr circa 2017-18. Particularly the Fueled By Ramen/Decaydance bandom.

Early Scenecore tumblr in 2018. (I still have a few selfies and hit posts from then gaining notes).

Britpop/early alternative music bandom 2019-2021

And since then I’ve just kind of been doing my own thing and mainly using this blog as a personal moodboard and an outlet to post ideas I don’t want to share anywhere else. I do post about a lot of things I like, but I’m not tied heavily to fandoms anymore - I mostly just lurk. That being said though, don’t be afraid to talk if you share a particular interest with me. I always need to infodump!

What I post

Stuff I find pretty. This blog is mainly a moodboard. I keep wanting to expand out of it but I always give up at some point.

Stuff that makes my brain go brrrrr! Mainly bands + shows.

Music stuff! I mainly like to post lyrics from songs I’m writing that are a work in progress, and sloppy covers/demos that I feel aren’t polished enough for my other socials. I also do cheeky self promo of my songs that you can already listen to. You guys should stream my E.P ‘Thing Is Me’.

I’ve been aspiring to write long form essays about things I’ve been passionate about for ages. I don’t think I’ll directly post them here, but once I get my Substack up and running you’ll be able to see them getting crossposted here.

Stuff I like

Feel free to talk to me about any of these things cause they’re my main special interests!

Music history from the 60s-2000s. In terms of what specific period I’ve jumped to at the moment, I’m fixated on mid-late 2000s indie music, twee pop of any era (mid 80s-present tbh), + some of my old favourite scene bands lmao. I’ve been nostalgic for them lately.

Skins UK (yes I know how 2014 and sad of me). I’m a Cassie apologist so leave me alone if you think she sucks lmao. That’s my Blorbina and my adopted little sister who’s currently got a song + a Substack essay series being written about her. In all seriousness though, I find this show to be very misunderstood in general.

Sighthounds! I love all dogs in general but the pointy ones are my favourites. I have a Greyhound, he’s my best friend :,) When I move into my own home one day I want to have another Greyhound + a Borzoi!

This is a very casual one of mine but (in case you can’t tell from what I mostly reblog here) I love fashion! My fashion tastes span the same general group of decades that my music history knowledge does. Much like my current music fixations I’ve been inspired by the late 2000s, but what I actually wear on a day to day basis is never one particular style. I mix and match a lot.

bla bla bla DNI time

Don’t follow if…

You meet the typical DNI criteria (no ists or phobes of any kind please! Just basic bare minimum human decency)

No pro ana (one of my special interests being skins + me seeing myself in a disordered character you made the face of your little circle does not give you a pro ana free pass around me. I’m not disordered myself + I ask you don’t follow me because I don’t want to accidentally trigger anyone by letting people of your group in my space.)

Same goes for general S/H blogs!

That being said, if you are already vulnerable seeing me potentially reference any of these sensitive topics in anything I post/talk about don’t follow me for the sake of your own well-being if you know it will be triggering to you. Stay safe ILY. I do try and tag though and you can always ask me to do that if you wish.

No creeps of any kind! Please do not send me anything sexual, or talk to me about anything sexual unsolicited you will be blocked immediately.

Okay that’s everything! If you’re cool I hope you enjoy following me. Please listen to my music. ‘Edie VC’ on every platform if you want to. You’ll like it if you like twee/folk/dream pop Xx

All the tags below are for my interests, aesthetics that people could say match my vibe, as well as my face tag (if you want to know what I look like) and my text tag. Hopefully I can make some cool new mutuals.

[greaseonmymouth]

Sooo, regarding your tags on that last post, do you have recs for old gay books, by any chance?

yes and no - as a teenager I read what I could get my hands on in the library and it was all in Danish and some of those books I don't know if were translated or not, and by that I mean translated from another language into Danish, or vice versa. One of those books I'm pretty sure was actually translated from Swedish because I remember the author name sounding Swedish and the characters were Swedish and Danish... lots of formative old gay books that had been sitting on the shelves since the 70s, 80s, 90s, that I can't find again.

anyway, one of the books I read as a teenager that was very formative for me was an Irish novel, When Love Comes to Town by Tom Lennon. the main character is a teenager, gay and struggling to come to terms with it, gets a boyfriend (bisexual, he fucks off to Belfast and cheats on him with a girl, classy - there's a fair amount of biphobia in the book, which I remember because I remember thinking it was weird how so many of the characters were warning him off bi guys when it was just this one guy being an asshole) but he also has a girlfriend because he's trying to keep up appearances and it's all a huge mess. he makes other queer friends. some of those queer friends he makes are transvestites, and there was a HIV positive guy who passed away. this book was formative for me for many many reason but the stand out elements were the found family and queer community, how they stood together and supported each other in the face of a lot of hate and discrimination and rocky family relationships and friendships. they found joy together. also I might be misremembering but the main character was like, really good in English class and was friends with his teacher and I could relate, lmao.

I read these two a bit later, in my early twenties, but Faggots by Larry Kramer and Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. I actually need to read Stone Butch Blues again because I remember very little about it, but Faggots made a huge impact on me, it was written in the late 70s or early 80s and takes place in new york and while much of it is satire, satire is built on truth, you know? and it showcases such a range of queer experiences and characters, exaggerated and over the top, but with a very real core of human emotion and struggles. it is also a criticism and I've since read that this book was very controversial within the queer community at the time

Dream Boy by Jim Grimsley also comes to mind, it's a 90s novel but fuck me if I can remember the plot

I also want to briefly mention the Astreiant series by Melissa Scott and Lisa A. Barnett - written in the 90s by queer couple Melissa and Lisa, this is a fantasy series where the world-building has queerness built in and while I love it just for what it is, I also think it's fascinating from a sociological point of view because you can infer a lot about their priorities but also what (American) society was like at the time. for instance this is a matriarchal society and it has queer relationships nobody bats an eye at, but yet there isn't marriage equality?

for recent books (er, say published in the last ten years ish? or let's just say in this century) written by people older than me, I want to recommend:

Less by Andrew Sean Greer - this is a love letter

Mr. Loverman by Bernardine Evaristo - this is a beautiful book and love story but it will also show you what it's like to be somebody who's been a closeted gay and black man since his early teen years in Antigua and move to the UK and now as an old man in London still in a relationship with the same man

Closet Case by Robert Rodi - this is one of those general fiction novels where the main character gets themselves into absurd situations and if it were heterosexual, it would've been a comedy, a romcom even, and adapted for screen. but it's gay. this author has written many more gay novels (and also! a very gay graphic novel about Loki for marvel, illustrated by Esad Ribic) but this is the only novel I've read by him

A Case of Exploding Mangoes by Mohammed Hanif I also read in my early twenties and it's one of those books I Think About A Lot because it's kind of an absurd book but the plot entirely falls apart without the gay relationship at the core. I didn't know it was gay when I picked this up (in a secondhand bookstore in Edinburgh, in 2011), I just read it and the plot unfolded and unfolded and then the revelation? I Think About It Often.

[bi-functional]

Do I already have an au thats got its own folder in my google drive about Visually Impaired Bill? Yes. Do I want to talk about it because I broke my glasses and forgot how blind I am? Yes.

There’s just something about low visibility and how it’s such a concept to play with. My eyesight is Horrible and it’s almost impossible for me to get 20/20 vision, you could be standing a yard from me and I wouldn’t be able to see your face and my eye sight is just going to keep deteriorating with age. And for those curious, I do have contacts to wear, though like I mentioned, they do not give me 20/20 and also my jokes of being unable to cry or show emotions was taken too seriously by my eyes which decided they would also be unable to produce moisture properly, which makes contacts extremely irritating and hard to wear for long periods of time, even with the aid of special eyedrops.

But also, it’s been brought to my attention how like… genuinely fun and eerie you can make low visibility, and this isn’t me making light of being visually impaired or anything this is just genuine shit that’s been happening to me for the past week and I’d like you to imagine the following scenarios with Bill in mind:

Staring at people completely dead eyed, only to be told to stop staring at them cause it’s creepy. Apparently we’ve been having a staring contest but I was just trying to track movement of the faceless thing that walked in so I could stay aware of my surroundings.

Being told repeatedly to look at things that’s impossible for me to make out without any aid, fr sometimes I feel like Toph from avatar with the way my family tries to show me shit and has to be reminded I cannot, in fact, see them or what they’re trying to show me.

Having to keep a physical hand on the people I go out with in order to keep a physical marker on them. If I were to loose them in a crowd I would not be able to find them.

The people who choose to adapt to my extremely low visibility and those who choose to be irritated by it. The difference between those two.

With Bill having only One Eye, imagining that one eye having terrible and deteriorating vision is just a concept that I enthusiastically get my grubby little hands all over uk? Regardless of if it’s a human au, or if it’s an ‘axolotl sent me to earth in a human form as punishment’ au or however you want to spin it. An all seeing Eye and being of an alternate dimension warped with dreams and nightmares and unreality being unable to properly conceive the reality he’s been so desperate to find his way into is just a Good Prompt to me idk broski.

It is now time for some of the Bill headcanons I have in this department and in that previously mentioned AU folder.

Bill calls Dipper Pinetree after stealing his cap and discovering the embroidered pine tree on it. Dipper had refused to give his name hoping to be left alone but Bill simply found other solutions.

Bill keeping a constant hand or arm around Dipper while in public spaces.

Others initiating obvious and intentional contact with Bill when they start speaking to him, commonly but not limited to group conversations. It’s a more meaningful way to ‘maintain eye contact’ or allow them to give him their full attention.

Bill also has a contact he can wear when he needs to, but sometimes due to migraines or general discomfort he simply won’t wear it.

This post is already way too long but yeah ❤️ Wether it’s a human au or not just Bill having to deal with a human version of himself that’s extremely visually impaired as a juxtaposition to the All Seeing Eye of his true form. That’s all I’m pitching here. I have so many thoughts uk. So many au’s.

[mylookinglass]

I'm the keymaster to most people. Yes the name does come matrix TV character. I used to hate it, but now I embrace it. No, I don't particularly care what you think of it.

I was born in 1970’s, which makes me old enough. I expect my age number to go up every year, as it has for most of my life.

I have been into BDSM/Kink in one form or another for most of my adult life and I think even before coming of age I was intrigued by many of its concepts in a way. I always had a bit of an obsession with mind control/possession and humans not being human.

I've lived in both the Uk and Switzerland but now live in nsw Australia. I have been active in the local BDSM/Kink scenes in all countries, having organised events and hosted munches in both.

I am looking for a submissive/slave lover and romantic partner.

My BDSM/Kink interests are quite varied and I am always open to try new things. I do have a particular penchant for humiliation, degradation, objectification and dehumanisation (as is no doubt apparent from my blog posts). Transformation, brainwashing, hypnosis and sensory deprivation are also of particular interest.

I have very few taboos and will happily discuss pretty much anything. My only real limits are scat and vomit - mainly because of the mess and smell.

I don't judge anyone for their kinks, unless that so-called kink is blatantly immoral or unethical (i.e. pedophilia, necrophilia etc.).

I prefer to take a holistic approach to sex and BDSM. I believe the whole body can be erogenous and not just the sex organs. The mind is just as important as the body.

Consent is not only essential, I find it highly erotic. When someone consents to an act that is intimate, or taboo, that almost gives me as big a thrill than the actual act itself.

I love to chat with people and I'm generally happy to interact with anyone as long as you're respectful and not an arsehole.

If you're a mysogynist, abuser, racist, homophobe, transphobe or any other kind of bigot, you're not welcome here. If you're trying pass your bigotry or abusive nature off as a kink, you're not welcome here.

Feel free to drop me a message, or ask a question. Anything you write to me in chat is kept private between us, unless otherwise agreed.

What is your sexuality?

I am hetero. That means I am basically straight but I’m not against playing with someone who isn’t female.

Do you practise BDSM with men?

No

Do you like sissies?

Sometimes. I wouldn’t say it was a particular interest of mine though.

Are you looking for a sub/slave/pet?

I’m always open to it for the right person.

Can I be your sub/slave/pet?

Perhaps, but not until I have got to know you first. Let's chat.

Can I send you photos of myself?

Sure - I love to see what you look like. That said, I do not want dick pics.

Will you demand photos from me if I chat with you?

No. Whilst of course I'd love to see you, I am more than happy to wait until you want to show yourself to me. Honestly, that is far sexier and more satisfying.

[denimbex1986]

'The act of writing is intrinsically solitary. But for Max Porter getting it down on the page is only the first step. The acclaimed English author loves to play around with his work, bringing it to life in many formats, and the more people joining him in his creative sandbox, the better.

Porter will give a multi-disciplinary and improvised performance of his most recent novel Shy at the Sounds from a Safe Harbour festival in Cork next month. It is a perfect fit for Porter in more ways than one. Like his work, the festival — curated by Mary Hickson, actor Cillian Murphy, writer Enda Walsh and Aaron and Bruce Dessner of The National — defies expected boundaries and nothing is off the table when it comes to collaborative experimentation.

“Collaboration is the raison d'etre for me,” says Porter. “Trust is the whole thing, so if Mary says ‘this is a good person, do you want to work with them' I say ‘yeah, because it’s you’. I adore working with her — ‘anything for Mary Hickson’ is my motto. Also my work only comes alive when I put it up against music, try it in a different space or read it to an audience, so it is the dream festival for me, it’s everything I want an arts festival to be, actually.”

Porter previously worked as a bookseller and later in publishing before making his own mark on the literary scene with his sensational debut novel Grief is the Thing with Feathers, a whirling blend of prose and poetry about a grieving widower and his two sons who are comforted, tormented and protected by a crow. Shy, his fourth and most recent novel, is a virtuoso portrayal of one night in the life of a troubled teenage boy. He says that expanding Shy’s universe through improvised performance is a continuing revelation for him.

“It’s a little bit scary sometimes but then that’s also when it’s most exciting. I want the books to be unfinished until they meet the reader anyway. So what you've got is an incredible opportunity for 200 people to meet it and make it their own — it’s their unhappy teenage relative, troubled son, or their grief. I want to make something in the room that is completely unique to those people in that space. And I absolutely love that. It feels like a corrective to all the things that scare me about my job.”

Porter, who lives in Bath with his wife and three sons, is no stranger to Cork, his most recent visit being in April, when he performed at an event in the Glucksman Gallery with musician Elaine Howley and writer Danny Denton.

“It was brilliant, I loved that. I’m very fond of Cork and I’m pleased to be coming back so soon. I did the West Cork Literary Festival one year as well which was incredible, I had one of the nicest swims of my life. I went walking around the bay there and found a nice little spot to swim in the morning. Swimming and reading are the two best things a human can do really.”

The author also loves Irish audiences, who he says embrace the fluidity of his performances.

“They don’t flinch. I don't know what I must have done in a past life to have earned it. I have always felt that my work is welcome. Maybe it's because there’s a sort of unEnglishness about the way I work. But also your culture industry is just so positive — unusual collaborations across different forms get a yes, whereas in the UK, they often get an ‘ah, sorry things are a bit tight or audiences won’t like that’.”

One of the most fruitful creative partnerships of Porter’s career has been with Cillian Murphy. Their friendship blossomed when the actor starred in the stage show of Grief is the Thing with Feathers (adapted by Enda Walsh). Porter and Murphy then collaborated on a short film, All of This Unreal Time, directed by Aoife McArdle, which will get its Irish premiere at Sounds from a Safe Harbour.

“That was a beautiful thing, actually, because that was written for Cillian as a gift for him to think about and read, and then he turned it into a more personal thing in the workshopping of it, and then in the film, it became more about Aoife McArdle’s thoughts. And that’s what I love, that my text isn’t owned by me, it goes off to be changed by them. It is exciting to show it in Ireland.”

Porter says Murphy, currently wowing the world with his performance in Oppenheimer, has been a big influence on him personally and professionally.

“Working with Cillian is an absolute joy always. He’s a master of his art and has been a real influence on me and the way I think about language and performance. We have great irons in the fire. It is just beautiful to have a good creative friendship like that. And obviously he has gone off and conquered the world.”

Murphy’s performance in Oppenheimer is ‘astonishing’, says Porter, adding: “It is mad… a biopic of a nuclear scientist doesn’t scream box office. It is incredible to see my 13-year-old son discussing it with all his mates on Snapchat.”

The struggle of what it is to be human and the loss that underpins our existence is never far from the surface in Porter’s work. Grief is something we all experience at some point, he says.

“We are all experiencing it at some point — the lady in front of you in the queue at the checkout, the guy you just tutted at because he couldn’t get his bus pass working. And if we all lived in a world where we based our behaviour slightly more on that truth, wouldn’t that be an incredible thing?”

Art and the sharing of it helps us reckon with loss while finding joy, something that those behind Sounds from a Safe Harbour are also tuned into.

“We’re all coming together, we’re using art, music, language, dance, even smell — all to come to terms with stuff that happened last year or 20 years ago. Because it’s a shared thing. And I love how close to the surface that is — maybe it’s Mary's genius, maybe it's the nature of the festival, or the place. I don't know. But I run to it, I absolutely run to it. Because it creates extraordinary joy as well as deep gratitude and all the good things that we should be. It’s literally like hydration. And I need it.”'

[jadbalja]

On mass culture eating itself, the current creative desert, etc. (part 2) A: it's probably worth watching the UK version only A: this Roland/Dillard combo is very uninspiring for a novel of this seminal nature. I have trepidation. But then I had the same for Sandman and that turned out okay K: I confess I didn't see the US remake. John Cusack annoys me and there was no way it could live up to the original. Plus as you said, I didn't feel like watching a show about evil vaccines was comforting during the pandemic, when there was plenty of that nonsense in real life. A: the strip mining of the 80s/90s cultural landscape for material in our currently depleted creative industry continues K: Yeah, sometimes they get it right, like Sandman. K: I feel like Neuromancer could never have had its day though. For the 80's and most of the 90's, it would have been too speculative for most showrunners to portray without looking silly. Then suddenly the cyberpunk future arrived, and it wasn't quite what Neuromancer predicted, and overnight it became dated. K: Johnny Mnemonic was about as close as it came to a 90's Neuromancer. A: [..feel like Neuromancer could never have had its day though. …] though now with Musk's Neuralink, some people are thinking "jacking in" might be possible in the near future K: But I can't write if off entirely because as Cyberpunk 2077 (both the game and anime) showed, there's still juice in the genre, and depicting that kind of world. A: [Johnny Mnemonic was about as close as it came to a 90s Neuromancer …] I liked Johnny Mnemonic. And that too was Gibson K: Yes re things like Neuralink, but we're sort of 2/3's there now compared to 1984 when the book was written. What I meant was more that we know already that so much of cyber culture is going to be kind of mundane, full of grifts and so forth, an evolution of human nature rather than a revolution. Intellectual minnows like Musk look at books like Neuromancer and now try to backwards-develop their realities, rather than those books being prophecies as they once were. K: Yes there's stuff yet to come with AI and it will be interesting to see how the show portrays them. I recall the AI that got Swiss citizenship in the book, still a very fun thought experiment in ethics, philosophy, law, etc. Just a matter of time before it happens. K: But… like those robots from the 1940's who could "talk" and smoked cigarettes and whatnot, first we'll see silly things like that robot person the UAE called its first robot citizen. K: With Musk in particular it's hard to say where Neuralink is on the spectrum from making an interesting display centerpiece through groundbreaking scientific development, because he has enough money that he could conceivably hire the right people who use it wisely and make real breakthroughs. Or, it could all just be PR bluster. K: He apparently can make rockets. Can't run a social media platform to save his life. And his cars are a bit iffy. So, mixed bag. A: I think Neuralink has some way to go and he’s not the only one working on a brain-tech interface. MIT was demonstrating some such stuff a few years ago. A: To me the gap between the world in Neuromancer and the one we actually have (without a Neuralink possibility) is one of the mundane taken to its technological apex vs the human struggle taken to a technological abstraction. “Breaking ice” for hacking, artisanal objects for surfing the web, an underground ethic to the outsiders working in tech, and existential dilemmas of AI. Versus of course, today’s reality - machine computation cheapening real creativity, the web as an extension of cultural stagnation in another form, and mass produced and commodified tech interfaces. A: The 80s cyberpunk is an aesthetic state of being, I think, more than a template for a prediction. Now in nostalgia, it is a lament for what we could have had and did not get K: Yes you've summed it up perfectly.

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day (green tea.) Welcome to the weekend!

Wow! Here we are again: Friday! Where did that week go? No, seriously, where did that week go?

First of all, many thanks to everyone that got involved with Throwback Thursday on my page. Yesterday’s word was CULTURE and the responses were – as you’d expect - cultural. Everybody that’s connected to me on social media, the ‘culture’ that we belong to is probably different to most people on this earth. We are unique and that’s why we get on. We are multi-cultural. We accept, we enjoy, we embrace and we love each other, no matter the race, creed, colour or sexual orientation. We mix, we collaborate, we socialise, we fuse, we create new forms of art. We don’t just partake in culture, we are culture.

Although it ended in 2021, we’ve only just finished watching ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’. For the last few months, it’s been our go-to show while eating lunch or dinner. Why did it end? The changing public attitude towards the police. It was difficult for the ‘Nine-Nine’ cast to keep up the charade that police people could be sensitive, humane and law-abiding. For black people, it’s always a daily struggle (365 days of every year) but, since George Floyd, everyone and everything has been under a microscope a.k.a. the camera phone. (The black mum being arrested in front of her traumatised kid for alleged ‘fare evasion’, for instance!) My Twitter feed is FULL of American news stories (that you won’t see in the UK) about officers of the law going to prison for assorted crimes.

Yep, The T-Shirt King got rid of some T-shirts yesterday. The local recycling plant took custody of almost 30 T-shirts. Yes, I’ve got that many! They had to go! Many of them, I had worn to death! Brand new ones incoming!

In amongst all the prepping, teaching, marking, moderating, meetings and course-designing (comes up for air), in coming weeks, we’ve got lots to look forward to. It’s the Margate Soul Festival THIS weekend. The Trouble and I are coming down to Margate for the day on Saturday and I’ll be doing my radio show live from Olbey’s Cafe. Please pop in for a selfie! Got a big, music industry networking event on August 10th, we’re going to see Dolly on August 12th, The Trouble is selling jewellery at a craft fair in Monk’s Park on August 15th, got a garden party on August 20th, we’ll be at Panorama on August 26th to see our nephew Elijah perform with Metronomes, then I’m looking forward to TWO gigs on Bank Holiday Sunday: The White Lion All-Dayer and ‘Let The Music Play’ at Cinnabar in Stevenage (REALLY looking forward to that day!) We’ve got a wedding in Jamaica in mid-September and, of course, we’ll be back and forth to Hove regularly to see Lady Wesker. I’ve got one beautiful friend that I’m trying to make an arrangement to see and I literally have no space in the diary until October!

Really hope you can join me tomorrow at 1.00 p.m. for ‘The A-Z Of Mi-Soul Music’: The Letter P (Pt. 3). Margate: here we come! Somebody needs to contact The Guiness Book Of World Records. I shall be attempting a fairly challenging record: Most Selfies Taken In One Live Radio Broadcast.

Have a fabulous and funky Friday! I love you all. You’re probably thinking, “You don’t even know me!” but, if people can hate for no reason, why can’t I love?

[quantumspacetime]

hi sir ace, can u enlighten me? ano ba nangyayari bakit nag didigmaan ang Ukraine at Russia? ano po ba pinagaawayan nila at ano po kinalaman ng China, Taiwan at US? madadamay ba lahat ng bansa o tayo dito sa pinas?

ok i'm not sure if i'm the most qualified person out there to answer this question, and i don't know if i can explain it correctly, and most importantly coherently, but here's what you need to know...

there's this group of 30 counties called the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) founded sometime in the 1940s. it includes countries such as France, UK, Italy, Germany, Canada, and of course, US, among others. these countries formed an alliance whose nature is to agree with and to support each other on political and military views (this means that if one member of the Organization is attacked, most, if not all, other members will come to help defend the member being attacked). this particular organization was primarily formed to prevent the Soviet Union (another group/organization of countries mostly from Eastern Europe and Asia which was established around 1920s and fell around 1990s) to expand their borders. "expanding borders" in its simplest definition means to conquer or to dominate another country.

both Russia and Ukraine are currently not part of NATO. But, Ukraine was under consideration to be a part of said organization. Ukraine's membership in NATO was seen by Russia, specifically its current president Vladimir Putin, as a threat because Pres. Putin is claiming that NATO is breaking some agreement between NATO and the Soviet Union to stop expanding borders, but according to NATO, such agreement was never made.

Russia and Ukraine also used to be one major functioning country, which is also why Russia still sees Ukraine as being part of its sphere of influence. so now that NATO is considering expanding even up to Ukraine, Russia is "protecting its own" by means of going to war with Ukraine, which for me is counterproductive since even the Russian citizens are protesting against the war instigated by their president.

China is in a good working relationship with Russia, and China also has a history of financing Russia's activities, but i'm not sure where China stands with all of what's currently happening. and we all know that China and Taiwan's relationship with each other is controversial because of their political stands.

to answer one of your questions, yes, the Philippines and other countries around the world are at risk, and repercussions of this war will be evident in the global economy because Russia is the third-largest producer of oil in the world, and we all know that oil, among other things, is a pretty big contributor to our economic growth.

imagine this, if oil prices increase further than the current prices, mas magmamahal ang mga bilihin at mas liliit ang halaga ng piso kontra dolyar. third world and developing countries, such as the Philippines, will directly take a hit, and common citizens like you and i will also suffer.

just goes to show that war brings no good to humanity.

[insanityclause]

SPOILER ALERT: This article contains details of the first five episodes of Disney+’s Loki, & maybe the finale. Maybe.

EXCLUSIVE: “I have learned, at this point, having said goodbye to the character more than twice, two and a half times maybe, to make no assumptions,” says Loki’s Tom Hiddleston as the hours tick away to the finale of the Disney+ series drops early on Wednesday morning. “We’ll see where the ride goes now,” the Marvel alum adds.

As always with almost any project from the Kevin Feige run studio, that ride could continue, at least in some form or another. Certainly, the June 9 ‘Glorious Purpose’ premiere of the Michael Waldron penned and Kate Herron directed Loki proved to be the Disney+ and the MCU’s biggest small screen success so far. Also with any Marvel project, past Emmy winner Hiddleston was elusive on what could be coming next, be it in the Loki finale, another season or another appearance in the movies as the MCU shifts into its next phrase.

One thing is clear, after a decade playing the God of Mischief, Hiddleston still has a lot of Loki on the brain, in the best way.Leading towards the finale, I chatted with a UK-based Hiddleston about returning to play Loki and the search for who or what controls the seemingly all knowing, all powerful Time Variance Authority. The Night Manager star also spoke about filming during the coronavirus pandemic, working with Owen Wilson, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Wunmi Mosaku, Richard E. Grant, and Sophia Di Martino, who portrays variant and soulmate Sylvie, and his upcoming AppleTV+ series The Essex Serpent with Claire Danes.

DEADLINE: There’s a great line in this season’s penultimate episode where your Loki and Sylvie are stunned at watch Richard E. Grant’s Classic Loki recreate Asgard to distract Alioth and you say “I think we’re stronger than we realize.” There seems to be a great resonance in the line that there’s a whole lot of Loki coming in the finale and probably more …

HIDDLESTON: I suppose it resonates with the theme that we all wanted to highlight about purpose and about meaning. Loki’s someone who’s probably been deluded by the idea that he’s burdened with glorious purpose, and that perhaps that purpose has been revealed to be fraudulent or meaningless, and maybe his self-image or the role that he has condemned himself to play is redundant.

His experiences through this story have shown him that there are actually more opportunities available to him, and you know, it speaks to this idea, like, can we change? Can we evolve, and in that evolution, is there room to grow? You know, so, I think the stronger than we realize I think is Loki finally understanding that, really, by caring for other people, that maybe there’s power in that, and I found that very touching, and the whole thing is an extraordinary dream.

DEADLINE: Speaking of an extraordinary dream, you have been playing Loki for a decade now, since the first Thor movie, We know you are going to do some voice work in the animated What If…? series, but how has it been having this series directly centering on him, in all his variants, so to speak?

HIDDLESTON: You know Dominic, I have enjoyed it so much, because I felt it was a gift and a privilege to be invited to come and sit at the table and think about what the show might be. Also, I suppose so many of the things that I’ve discovered about Loki as a character in the comics and a character in the Norse myths, in the canon, aspects that I’ve always thought were interesting, and understandably, there hasn’t been time or space in the movies to explore them.

DEADLINE: In terms of who he is?

HIDDLESTON: Those aspects of him have been externalized and embedded into this new story about identity itself and about integrating the disparate fragment of the many selves that he is or perhaps the many selves that we are. You know, we contain multitudes. Loki certainly contains multitudes. We have met many of those multitudes, including Alligator Loki (laughs).

DEADLINE: Sounds like you’re not done with those multitudes yet. From your POV, from conversations with Kevin (Feige) is there more that you see for the character as the MCU heads into its next stages?

HIDDLESTON: Well, I certainly don’t have Kevin’s brain or encyclopedic knowledge or capacity for invention. I’ve been on the ride for a while, and it’s been the most extraordinary journey, and to have lived through different iterations, different phases of the MCU, and I’m so grateful that I’m still here, and it’s been amazing to watch. I feel that the MCU is even more expansive, is even braver, more inclusive than it’s ever been.

DEADLINE: How so?

HIDDLESTON: I think the stories are getting really exciting. Not that they weren’t before, but I think they understand that the investment of the audience is very deep, and they don’t take it for granted for a second. So, yeah, I suppose the perspective I have on how Loki might affect the ongoing course of the MCU is this idea of the multiverse. People have already understood it when Miss Minutes is introducing Loki to the TVA. She talks about the multiverse and the war and that the sacred timeline, which is reality as we know it.

DEADLINE: It opens up the aperture certainly for new stories from all opportunities, doesn’t it?

HIDDLESTON: It raises questions of, well, maybe there are other parallel or alternate universes. Maybe there are other realities, and the possibilities there are endless. I feel that at the end of episode five, Loki and Sylvie are close to discovering the answers to the questions that they have of who is behind the TVA and that, somehow, this will provoke even more curiosity about…

DEADLINE: …Because in the Marvel Universe, answering one set of questions always leads to another set of questions, in many ways.

HIDDLESTON: Right. Yeah. Yeah, and I know that there are lots of, you know, interesting titles of movies that’ve been announced, which kind of hint at where it might be going.

DEADLINE: One of those that hasn’t been officially announced, but is rumored is a Season 2 for Loki, in gear under the temporary title of Architect on call sheets and the like …

HIDDLESTON: Well, yes, maybe, as I say, all the kind of multiple alternate realities are …it’s taken me 10 years to get a handle on this sort of mono timeline. The idea that this might be a multiverse is actually beyond my knowledge of physics.

DEADLINE: Well, I doubt that, but let me ask, and no spoilers for the finale or further, but if Kevin, Marvel, Disney asked you to do more Loki, are you game?

HIDDLESTON: (laughs) I have learned, at this point, having said goodbye to the character more than twice, two and a half times maybe, to make no assumptions. So, I’m also aware that I’m only playing him because of the audience, really. So, it’s not up to me. But I do love playing him, and every time, I seem to find new, interesting things about him. So, yeah, I’m a temporary passenger on Loki’s journey, but we’ll see. We’ll see where the ride goes now.

DEADLINE: On the ride, as the finale looms, there’s a ton of fan speculation out there and so much that people have hooked on to from the show. So, as the man at the center of it, what was your favorite part of Loki the series?

HIDDLESTON: That there was meaning in the making of it.That we crossed the finish line in the middle of a global pandemic and could create something, and more than ever, I felt really grateful for being able to do this job. I think in this there are some of those questions that we were all asking ourselves in the last 18 months in the show, you know, what do our lives mean?📷I love taking Loki in new directions. I love the contributions of my fellow actors, of Owen Wilson and Sophia Di Martino and Richard E. Grant and Gugu Mbatha-Raw, and Wunmi Masaku, they all brought so much to the table, and I’ll always remember that. You know, I’ll always remember just being in Atlanta with all of them and making our bonkers show. Yeah.

DEADLINE: Making your bonkers show in Atlanta as the world, as America was still in the heat of the pandemic. What was that like, because you were in production and then everything stopped and then you came back, right?

HIDDLESTON: I mean, people have used this word a lot, but it really was unprecedented. I think we did six weeks of filming before the hiatus, and then the production was suspended for four or five months, and we came back. At first, it was unfamiliar because we had to make adjustments, but the thing I remember most of all, quite honestly, is the diligence and resilience and spirit of our cast and crew.

DEADLINE: Really?

HIDDLESTON: Yes, and it remains extremely special for me, this project, for that reason.For me, it just demonstrated the character of these amazing people. It took a huge amount of planning and care and looking after each other. By that, I mean, being in the bubble. So, for many of us, the only other human beings we saw, really, were each other. So, we came to work, and we became a team, and the circumstances fostered this extraordinary team spirit, and so the memory of making it is really my incredible and deep respect and affection for my fellow filmmakers. People like Trish Stanard, our line producer. Richard Graves, our first AD. Kristina Peterson, our second AD. Autumn Durald, DP. Kevin Wright, our supervising producer, and so many others making sure everyone could stay safe and look after each other.It’s really…I find it…it’s very moving, and it’s remarkable, and I just want to salute them all because I couldn’t have done any of it without them.

DEADLINE: In that vein, you have just come off filming The Essex Serpent with Claire Danes for AppleTV+. Very different from Loki, and yet also a tale of what is real and who we are. Is that what attracted you to it on some level?

HIDDLESTON: I read it and immediately connected to it. Read the screenplay, the adaptation. It’s based on a novel by Sarah Perry, which was published in 2016 and is set at the end of the 19th century. It’s an extraordinary story about uncertainty and about our deepest fears and how sometimes our fears can distort our imaginings and how our minds can lie to us. About how we have to guard against that, and Perry sets it in this extraordinary time with a beautiful leading character of Cora Seaborne, played by Claire. Anna Symon adopted it.

There’s this community on the east coast of England who believe that an ancient beast has been awakened by an earthquake and that it’s dislodged all these fossils. But perhaps, it has also dislodged this ancient underwater monster, which has been used to explain certain unusual phenomena. This was in the era when Darwin had just been published a few decades before and people are starting to think, this Charles Darwin, he’s onto something. Still, fear spreads very quickly, and it’s a very fascinating time where science and faith are in conflict.

DEADLINE: When you describe it like that it sounds very Loki indeed.

HIDDLESTON: Maybe the themes are very Loki. Maybe that’s where they join up, but I’m playing a 19th century vicar who is trying to contain his community. You feel very destabilized by all these rumors. So, yeah, to go from Loki to a vicar was definitely new, a new territory.

DEADLINE: Literally and figuratively?

HIDDLESTON: Well, it’s my first significant time in Essex, where we filmed, which I feel embarrassed about. I’ve been to Essex before, but I’ve never been to the very, very eastern, most eastern coast of Essex. It’s the Blackwater Estuary, which then feeds into the River Thames, and it’s a very ancient part of England. It’s so marshy, it’s where in Great Expectations, that’s where Pip meets Magwitch for the first time. It’s all foggy and muddy and marshy and quite atmospheric and a perfect place to set a story about of uncertainty and fear and gothic romance. Clio Barnard directed it, and working with her has been amazing.

DEADLINE: You know, it occurs to me that of all the main Marvel characters, Loki has been such a constant, yet so ethereal in so many ways too. Is it jarring for you to jump back into the role with all the uncertainty it brings?

HIDDLESTON: You know, I’ve always seen it as sort of an extraordinary and surprising constant in my life for a decade. But, I don’t take it for granted because I don’t often…you know, it may end. It has actually ended, and those endings have been conclusive. I really thought a couple of years ago, after I made Avengers: Infinity War, you know, we all know what happens in that scene, and I thought, that’s it.I thought it’s over, and I was really proud to have been part of it. I was grateful for my time, but I thought that, my work would go off in a different direction. So, the idea that I got to come back and have another go was a complete delight, it truly was.

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

there was some kind of baby terf in my notes this morning and she didn't even wait long enough for me to actually read whatever she wrote before blocking me. great job, showing all your cool radfemmy pals your burning hot take on a trans persons post complaining about terfs. did you secure the likes. did you get the applause

anyway with all of this bullshit going on i really wish we could make ppl see that gendered oppression affects pretty much everyone, and that the fights against misogyny and against misandry overlap, are not opposites, are not enemies.

you think you'll hate men out of being violent? when was the last time hate stopped you being violent?

certainly not this morning when you found a ranty post of mine and interpreted it as hate and decided to double down on your brainrot radfemmy ideals.... why do you think it will work on men?

anyway I'll die on this hill forever but we have more in common than we don't. and the fight against gendered oppression needs to be a multi-pronged approach.

yes of course we need to fight misogyny, it still is one of the most pervasive forms of oppression in the world. we've come super far since the beginning of last century though, especially in Western countries, and to uphold womanhood as "the most oppressed" in the UK or US isn't just myopic, tone-deaf posturing (playing oppression olympics has NEVER served ANYONE), it's also an ideal base from which to ignore countless other forms of oppression (or participate in them and make them worse - great job TERFs on that one!!)

Anyway. Yes misogyny exists and needs to be fought. No one is saying that we should stop fighting for the women.

But we need to fight for the men too. Toxic masculinity and misandry are part of the problem. The way men and boys are raised and socialised leaves them little option to be anything but violent.

And that's a PROBLEM!!!! and you'll agree with me on that!!!! i know you will since most of your entire argument is "men are violent and that violence is making us women unsafe"!!!!

which is a true statement. it also makes other men unsafe. and let's not even get started on trans and gender nonconforming people, who get the worst of misogyny AND misandry combined.

so the culture that brings up men to be violent is making us all unsafe, right? women, men, queer people, children. everyone.

and you won't hate them out of being violent. in fact when people feel hated and prosecuted, they're more likely to lash out!! surprise!! it's human nature.

and we need a wide spread, probably even global strategy to take men into the 21st century with us. like. we can't just put the onus of this on individual men. mostly because it won't work, and men are operating within society, and it is society* that rewards them for anger and punishes them for kindness. so a big societal shift is needed.

one that paints men as loving.

kind.

emotive - capable of experiencing the same range of emotions as everyone else. and allowed to express them.

people who are in pain, who have been hurt and traumatised by society and people around them.

not inherently dangerous.

capable of love and goodness and change for the better.

we need to believe men are human beings. we need to humanise them.

and before anyone says that "men would never fight for you the way you fight for them" yeah and? my little pet cat would probably eat me if she ever got the chance, im still gonna take care of her? people don't have to like me or even be super aware of their oppression for me to fight for them. a lot of men lack the words and understanding to describe the absolute hell society makes life for them but does that mean they deserve to suffer under it forever? fuck no and if your answer would be different please. I'm fucking begging you to reexamine your priorities & start seeing men as people. who deserve better. just like everyone else

*"society" means other people (both men and women and others) as well as systems and processes that structurally prefer angry, violent men over calm, kind ones. policies or culture in a work place for example, which is not usually tied to any one person. there was an entire post about how societally, men who are kind and respect women, are punished for it. it is not just other men doing this, it's plenty of women and queers doing the same thing, and it's baked into society on a fundamental level, where we CAN'T fix it by changing just individual behaviours. we CAN'T fix it by making all men go to therapy I promise. this is a cultural thing that we need to deal with on a cultural, societal level, and we can only do it if we work together, and love ourselves and men enough to believe we are all capable of change. hope this helps

[maivalkov]

I have seen not long ago a post about "spain's dark side" so...your opinion about that? (I kinda have a feeling of knowing why himaruya came up with that and, if I am right, I am not sure if I like it. It's not that I don't like the dark side thing, but if the reason is what I think, then I don't fancy it)

Great question! Please excuse the length of this response in advance, and if I go off on any tangents. To directly answer your question: I have a horrible feeling that Dark Spain is inspired by the Spanish Black Legend/La leyenda negra, and I don't like that at all. You've really hit on an important topic here, so I'm going to extend this discussion. I call this upcoming piece: Why I don't like Dark Spain and why we, as fans and creators, need to be mindful of how we enjoy our beloved series.

Side note before we begin: I'm going to be talking from a writer's perspective, since this is what I mostly do. My opinion is just that, nothing more. Some will agree with me, others won't, and that's okay. If you're happy with the terms, let's crack on.

Part 1: "Dark" characters I'm not against 2P or "dark" versions of a character if it's required for a particular setting. Let me show you what I mean, using some fic plots I just pulled from my head: Example one: You've got this gritty, fantasy gangster city plot. You use a real city as your location, but the characters are human. Antonio's the leader of a huge criminal organisation and therefore he will do incredibly bad things. It's trigger warnings ahoy. Is this portrayal okay? Sure. (read on before you hit that reply button) Example two: You're writing a horror fic. Antonio's a sexy merman who's more likely to decorate his cave with your entrails, than serenade you on a beach. Is this plot fine? Absolutely. It's dark af, but you're writing sexy merman horror. It kinda’ comes with the territory. Did you see how I wrote "fantasy" and "human" in bold? And did you see that I used Antonio, not Spain? There's a reason. I personally believe in this: When your story uses Hetalia characters in their human form (i.e: Antonio is just Antonio, he does not represent Spain), there's much more freedom and flexibility. I've read many excellent works with darker themes who use real locations alongside human versions of the characters, and do so brilliantly. They're wonderful stories, and they don't cause harm. They're fiction. Fantasy. Fiction. Did I mention fiction? On the flip side: When we are writing the characters as country personifications, who represent the people and the history, we must take proper precaution. The same applies to writing about historical events. (To be continued down below.)

Part 2: Dark Spain

As someone who's been in fandom 10+ years now, my problem with Dark Spain is this: a number of creators back in the old days seemed to agree with my Black Legend theory/concerns, and yet they willingly made content for it. Not everybody did this, but I certainly saw some who thought "wow dark crazy Spain because Inquisition", applied it to certain ships because "ohh angst leads to romance, what a plot" and that is wrong on so many levels. If you know the Spanish Black Legend, then you know how bad this is. It's an incredibly difficult topic because it is, in the simplest sense, massive propaganda designed to seriously damage a country's image. I welcome Spanish input on this, but personally I think using this as some edgy portrayal of Antonio in your fics is insulting. Don't bloody well do it.

(Please note that the fandom is MUCH better now, but it doesn't change the fact it has, and could still happen. I used past tense for a reason, as I do think things are improving.)

Russia is another character which suffers this treatment, and I do think we have a responsibility to be considerate. Many countries have done awful things, mine (the UK) included, and yet our characters have escaped receiving this Dark persona. It's not fair, it really isn't. It's a poor judgment call on Himaruya's behalf if my theory is true. If I'm wrong, then this argument is void. Either way I feel like Himaruya should've specified how and why Dark Spain came about. Part 3: Historical writing

Here's where it gets interesting. I'm not saying "don't write historical hetalia fanfiction", and I never will say it because historical fiction exists. You can go in your local bookshop and boom, people are making real money off it.

I'm not one of those lucky sorts, but I am contributing to that genre myself. Despite lots of magic, fantasy and general artistic license, my story Gatito can be considered historicaI.

It's set in England, 1569. Spain and the Netherlands are two of the main characters, and yes, their conflict is referenced. It coincides with the timeline, and all the while I write them as personifications, I can't pretend that tension between them doesn't exist. If I did, that'd probably be even more insulting to their history, and no doubt confusing for the reader.

The main plot is a daft mash of Arthur misusing his magic, a vile fictional man from Antonio's court who wants his head, and poor Netherlands and Portugal get wrapped up in the drama along the way.

The Dutch conflict is featured, but not the plot. The event is occurring right in the middle of a fictional disaster which Antonio is trying to overcome. It's acknowledged, but it's on the side, to put it simply.

I use human names (Antonio and Abel) and explore that situation from an emotional, human perspective. I do not claim that Abel is a victim, and no one thinks he is either. Personal HC time here: I don't think any of the characters look back at their history and think "wow, poor me". Everyone's made mistakes, and they've all played a role in hurting someone else. My history teacher once told me this: The more you look, the more you see. There's many sides to a story, and even to this day, I doubt historians have truly, faithfully documented events so that it's fair on every nation involved. That's why we need to try and learn history from multiple perspectives, and why when writing hetalia characters during a historical event, we should show the reader as many viewpoints as possible. If you don't, then... well. I frown at you. More on this in part 4.

Part 4: Conclusion/advice

I won't pretend to be a saintly figure in the fandom, and this rant is a bit of a mess, but I hope you get what I'm on about. Thank you if you're still reading.

I'm going to finish with a bit of advice that has helped me have a positive time, and allowed me to create works for a series I really love:

1- If your story is historical, and you purposely want to paint a country in a bad light, think before you do. Don't slander another country for the sake of your comfort character or ship. If your story is set during a battle then yes, they can moan about the opposition, but don’t go hardcore. You know what I mean.

2- Research, research, research.

3- You want to write a particular character. Their human name is unconfirmed, or you don't know a part of their history, but you want to write about it. What should you do? Talk. I had this very dilemma regarding Portugal's surnames, and I just asked Portuguese mutuals on Tumblr for help. I received numerous valid responses in under an hour, and I felt better for it. 10/10 highly recommend.

4- If you've gotta' write Dark Spain: Keep. It. Fictional. If you don't believe my theory behind it, cool, crack on. But if you agree with me, then yeah, I've said it enough. Respect the country.

5- DO explore history. It's fascinating.

6- If you write historical hetalia and you feel that something might be misunderstood: PLEASE USE DISCLAIMERS, END NOTES ETC. I write number 6 from experience. There is a scene in Gatito where a significantly stressed Antonio attempts to summarise the Dutch conflict. He's being blamed for countless fictional issues, and rather than think things through, he blames himself for Abel's pain as well. He does it on a purely emotional basis. Have you ever had that really bad day, and things keep getting worse? Someone comes along and says "you did x y z and I'm mad", and rather than argue your side, you accept it?

That's Antonio in that scene. I know it is, because that's how I intended it to be read. His answer is flawed, to say the least, but in his human heart, he can't help it. I used the end notes as a warning/apology/explanation for this scene. I don't want it to be misinterpreted, and I don't want to disrespect Spanish history.

7- If someone does comment/ask about a sensitive, historical part of your work: don't rant. And don't get offended. I believe we all need to talk more. Have conversations about HCs, how we would write/imagine different scenes, and use it to improve your work.

8- Have fun, and be sensible. Thank you again for reading, I hope this helps to some extent. I know I've thrown my opinion out here, but if you strongly disagree with me, don't @. Move on, embrace what you believe, and everyone's a winner. (This really should've been number 9 on the list haha.)